Saturday, April 21, 2012

Not all sweetness and light

The past week has been a tough one.

• I failed an assessment. I accept that I did not plan well enough with my partner and deserved to fail. Thanks to some great teachers I have that process we botched cemented in my brain, for which I am thankful. But it was stressful and the doubt I had within myself was absolutely awful, I was embarrassed by my failure and was bitterly disappointed in myself. The support from my peers was fortifying and in the resit my partner and I got through easily. Relief.

• This is so hard to admit, but ahhh I'm going to type the words: I have been having frequent binge eating episodes again. Trying to bury or mask the anxiety I've had surrounding work and quite often the guilt I feel if I don't feel like running even though I "should".

Why is it hard to admit? Because I love eating healthy produce and honestly the majority of the time I enjoy getting out amongst it running, riding, swimming and the like. I've never regretted a run (ok one, that time my ITB went, but these things happen from time to time) but I definitely regret the overeating.

I mention running in the second dot point because I have two races coming up that I want to be prepared for. That involves training. I don't enter races to win, but to participate - that gentle reminder is useful. 

I want to nip the binging in the bud, it's gone on long enough. Possibly removing sugar from my diet triggered something. It started back then, where I started binging on nuts. At Easter time I added sugar back into my diet and didn't notice too much of a difference with regards to the bloating and gas I get on occasion, but it's since given me a wider range of products to binge on. I'm definitely more aware of sugar in products and I will attempt to minimise its presence in my diet, but not outright avoid it. 

My other issue is that usually by the time I get home from work I'm blindingly hungry. Hands down this is the danger time for binging. To avoid this I think I need to keep some kind of snack in the car/scooter than I can eat prior to going home. Sure it may be an extra 200 cals in my day, but it has to be better than an extra 1000 cals or whatever the binges add up to. Up until this very moment, that logic never crossed my mind. So there is value in (over)sharing. At least for me.

The crazy thing is apart from the occasional stress of assessments, I absolutely love the new career path, yes it's challenging, but it beats the boredom of my old job every single day. With fewer study commitments I have more time to spend with the Man which is better for our relationship. There's encouragement at work to remain fit and I have access to the most amazing gym, pool and spin bikes so training is never boring. I still have an awesome family, fabulous friends and supportive peers. Life really is good, not perfect by any means but really, really good. 

I am ready to walk down the path of healthy choices once again.

Sat; strength: 20m. Hand weights @ home.
Commute: 40m | 14.8km. Slow ride to the footy and back.

Thurs; strength: 20m. Mix of hand weights, body weights & machine.

Wed; strength: 20m. Mix of hand weights, body weights & machine.

Tues; agility: 48m. Fun! Lots of run drills and agility work.
Bike trainer: 40m spin class.

Mon; swim: 29m | 1400m | 2:09m/100m. Set involved 400, 500, 3x (50 easy, 50 hard), 200. No rhyme or reason, just good to be in the water.

1 comment:

  1. srry to hear about the asessment and the binge episodes :(

    sounds like you have the right attitude to get back on track though - and you summed it up beautifully when you said "I am ready to walk down the path of healthy choices once again.
    " :)